narcissist using death for attention

narcissist using death for attention

I started to understand just how much of a toxic, evil entity she was. Were still in the fight, so he goes outside and leaves. 6) Do not give them loans, accept any financial help from them, or sign contracts with them. Covert narcissists like to give the impression that theyre very naive & innocent. It causes you to lose faith in humanity, in life, and even yourself. Its ALL about them. Facebook image: Little Pig Studio/Shutterstock. They are far more willing to cheat or steal and have relationships rife with distrust and infidelity. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. And if you fall short of their lofty standards, theyre likely to lash out at you in a harsh way.. His reply? These people talk about their illness openly, go to appointments, and even start fundraisers for themselves. Survivors of narcissists are often discarded by their partners at the worst possible moments such as at the beginning of a pregnancy, a miscarriage, in the middle of nowhere on vacation, after the loss of a loved one, or even during a life-threatening illness.Being on the receiving end of such cruelty is a trauma in itself. This can help you to find the compassion for yourself and others so that you can effectively process your difficult feelings and emotions. 07/10/2019 17:39. He comes back drunk, with an 18 pack of beer, 5 beers in. If you find yourself in the presence of someone who habitually criticizes you more than they encourage you, take it as a red flag that they are destructive to your mental health. Narcissists use these activities to create love triangles and to flirt with others in front of you to get you to vie for their attention. People who are narcissists often use death as an attention grabber. Social media is a veritable playground for I have learned that there are certain things you should avoid doing with a narcissist in order to practice harm reduction if you are currently in a relationship with someone you believe lacks empathy. Name-calling, blaming, and judging can give way to threats, yelling, and the silent treatment. Another trip was ruined when he spent an entire shore day shopping for himself and his family while the kids and I stood in the sun waiting for him to finish. They make sure to brandish their blows when youre especially low, so you are unable to fight back effectively. We use cookies to run and improve our site. My mother came to visit me just two or three times and she never apologized for leaving me alone. After a painful breakup, Genevieve missed a call from her ex-girlfriend. Narcissists dont just abandon you when you most need them they also ensure that any special occasions or holidays are sabotaged as well. 4) Attend activities that involve your family or the narcissists family. Documentation is very important should you ever want to bring a legal case against an abuser or if you want to simply resist their gaslighting attempts. It is far better to keep your counsel and share your pain with a trusted friend, spiritual advisor or professional, who will listen to you without the need for interruption. Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths are pathological liars. Narcissists often act in a mean way because they want control, attention, and power. Dr. Dale Archer explains that, Devaluation becomes a tool to keep the victim isolated and dependentEach time, the devalued partner has to work harder to get back in the love bombers good graces, usually by sacrificing something that competes with him for attention.Narcissists can also create triangles in families and the workplace, pitting people against one another to get a sense of power, validation, and control. He tried to kill me last August, police were involved and after the worst 3 years offof my life, I finally went no contact to save my own life. For example, if your narcissistic friend always degraded your dream of being an artist, think about ways you can celebrate and own that dream. I isolate so I dont have to deal with people. Andy, for example, states that his ex-partner used her chronic illness during their custody battle. Counselling Directory is not responsible for the articles published by members. At the same time, she was posting photos of her new girlfriend and tweeting about flying between states to commute. At the center of a narcissists destructive behavior towards others is an excessive sense of entitlement. WebSuicidal tendencies in old age. There is an element of fear in their demise which makes their behaviour worse. Got my hair done, makeup done, we had matching costumes, a friend to meet us at the bar. The support and strength which comes from sharing with other bereaved people can help to ease your pain and make your intense feelings easier to bear. drug user in an attempt to get me fired. During the same trip, he yelled at our 9-year-old child during the entire trip because she complained about not feeling well. Building B, Riverside Way Camberley Surrey GU15 3YL. I noticed she was especially mean to me after a disagreement with my father in-law. 9. Narcissistic individuals will use everything and anything you disclose to them against you. My low self-esteem is debilitating. #mc-embedded-subscribe-form .mc_fieldset{border:none;min-height: 0px;padding-bottom:0px;}, Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Fear, Obligation and Guilt- The Narcissists Manipulation Tools of Choice, Narcissists in old age & Narcissistic grandparents. I gave up on the food and canceled on the friend. But learning how to love and appreciate your body can help you feel safe in your body and improve your mental health. You're. How Much Does the Average Person Need to Retire? Ive never trusted my own judgment. Because they have no empathy and cannot handle intimate relationships and are compelled to do what it takes to destroy them.. The overt narcissist can do anything, gaining all the attention, without anyone standing up to him or her. Ive even heard from survivors whove been devalued on what shouldve been one of the most special times in their lives their honeymoon. You will always pay, in more ways than one. Playing is just as important for adults, with physical, mental, and stress-busting effects. Some malignant narcissists will leave just enough doubt in their will for it to be fought over. My father passed way but Mom still plays the victim. It was also during a time when my father was in a coma for weeks after having a stroke.Steve, My ex took photos of me naked. 2) Never spend holidays, special celebrations, or your birthday with the narcissist. Death can be a scapegoat for when they feel theyre not being appreciated or when they feel like theyre not in control. There isnt anything people like this cant twist around to make it about them. As Dr. Sharie Stines notes, Narcissists have a tendency to practice seasonal devalue and discard during the holidays, focusing these abuse tactics on their nearest targets and closest partners. Instead, you will cut them off at the first few red flags. Not only can they create a scenario and narrative, but they can play the part perfectly from beginning to end. They look long suffering, patient, even martyr-like in the fact they can tolerate so much from their spouse. Does a Dog's Head Shape Predict How Smart It Is? Inevitably at those occasions, he would say something fundamentally damaging to my self-esteem, humiliate me by sharing private conversations, reveal cheating episodes, or pursue other women during the event. Overt narcissists may use sympathy & pity too, but not nearly as much as covert narcissists do. If you have been targeted by a narcissist, know that it is not your fault. Slow down interactions with them as they try to speed up intimacy and manufacture a connection. If you cannot avoid spending the holidays with a narcissist, invite supportive individuals to your special event who can help provide you with moral support. Change), You are commenting using your Facebook account. Why do narcissists discard wives and refuse divorce? In public, these behaviors might be so well disguised that others hear or see the same behaviors and fail Someone who is genuinely not very smart wont know how to abuse people while appearing innocent. Hes had me and my partner watched and spied on with his housekeepers and property managers. Brooke, My mother has ruined every single important event in my life as well as in the lives of my sisters. I went through with it anyway because I was embarrassed to cancel. Its really amazing how many families have that exact same scenario! PLOS One, 10(6). I eventually stopped because it was so painful to deal with every year. If possible, do not spend holidays, birthdays, or any other special occasions with them find supportive friends or family members you can turn to celebrate with you during these times. So as they age, they steadily become more jealous and their behaviour becomes more vile. The narcissist may use death in order to maintain their sense of control over others, especially those they are dependent on. I know it is in my head, but I havent been able to completely embrace it. I was like whatever, Im sure hell cool off and come back. And while verbal abuse may not involve physically touching a person, these interactions can still be violent. Their overwhelming sense of entitlement allows them to think the attention and support are warranted and deserved, regardless of the honesty of the situation. Rage-Coming Soon From a Narcissist Near You. I just recently left a relationship of 3 years with someone I am just now realizing is a narcissist. However, there is huge individual variation and there is no neat progression from one stage to another. Don't be surprised to see lots of selfies and hashtags about the narcissist's illness or "journey"! This was while I was grieving! The ex kept texting not about her illness, but to see if I still wanted to be her beneficiary. One of the ways manipulative predators attempt to control us is through hypercriticism. As we know, narcissistic individuals lack empathy and demonstrate entitlement. If you have a bad cold, doesnt if feel good if someone says theyre sorry youre sick & brings you some soup? However, there is huge individual variation and there is no neat progression from one stage to another. I was only able to understand this pattern through reading one of your books. Heather. It is defined as the ability to lie successfully and effectively (Wright, Berry, Catmur, & Bird, 2015). My ex actually agreed to go with me to my family for the holiday dinner. Some children may show traits of Another way a narcissist may use death for attention is by making others feel like they are not important. There is absolutely no way a person can be stupid & extremely devious at the same time. online/phone Counsellor or Therapist, you don't need to enter your location, however, we Wright, G. R. T., Berry, C. J., Catmur, C. & Bird, G. (2015). If you anticipate that a narcissist will retaliate, take as many precautions as you possibly can. They may also feel that they are being punished for their own behavior and therefore seek revenge from others. It was 3 years of walking on eggshells and dimming myself for his pride and ego. 1) Never travel with them or go on a promised dream vacation. Narcissists are notorious for abandoning their victims in foreign countries and making dream destinations a trip to hell. For example, you may choose to prioritize health, relationships, and. Claims of beating cancer or fighting a devastating illness can cover up even the darkest of intentions and cause people to put on their rose-colored glasses and look away from past wrongdoings. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. light on the positivity and support that should be available to everyone, no matter their situation. The narcissist will tell multiple family members that they will inherit it all. If you try to tell a This form of discard is so traumatic that it can really interfere with your self-esteem, self-perception andthe ability to cope. If you try to tell a narcissist they are a narcissist, they will inevitably lash out in rage as they are prone to do, or worse, punish you for exposing them. I was called a horrible name at a Mothers Day lunch, have had gifts thrown at me at Christmas time for accidentally opening an Amazon package that was addressed to him, been called names for not wanting to hike down a steep cliff to the beach at night with no light on 4th of July and that is just the beginning. Rachael, I remember my 21st birthday. I also felt like when my mother and I fought that it was like fighting with a sibling. The effects of this abuse are devastating, but they carry with them opportunities for deeper healing. Be honest with them about your concerns and dont sugarcoat things. Its common for an abusive narcissist to belittle the accomplishments of those they envy and feel threatened by. He did drop me off with my mom, who brought me to the hospital. The psychology behind people who fake cancer. The morning after my surgery I asked him if he could make me some coffee and he asked me in return, Why cant you do it yourself? Fabricating an affliction or exaggerating a minor illness is used to seek attention, gain sympathy, or simply avoid responsibility (Bratskeir, 2019). Everyone is a narcissists tool to serve their purpose, most especially their children. I now believe I have lived with anxiety my whole life but did not realize it until the past 3-4 years because that is the only feeling I have ever known. As their body starts to weaken and they suffer health issues they are reminded of their mortality. He did not come back. Narcissists are known for their compulsive desire for attention and control. these cookies. As Dr. Sharie Stines notes, Narcissists have a tendency to practice seasonal devalue and discard during the holidays, focusing these abuse tactics on their nearest targets and closest partners. One Christmas while driving to my parents house for a large Christmas party with extended family and friends, he told me he wanted a divorce out of the blue when we were pulling into the driveway. The Danger of Manipulative Love-Bombing in a Relationship. When it comes to a cancer diagnosis or other physical impairment, people tend to open their heartsand their walletsvery easily. I stepped out of the car and took a few breaths to calm myself, when lo and behold, he drove off and left me there with no coatand no purse (this was before cell phones) in the freezing cold. , Ruining special occasions because it takes the focus off of them. When narcissism is discussed, often it is the behavior of the overt narcissist. #mergeRow-gdpr fieldset label {font-weight: normal;} You might be dealing with an energy vampire. Consult a trauma-informed therapist who understands this form of covert manipulation. recommend choosing a Counsellor or Therapist near you, so that you have the choice to see them The narcissist may also use death as a way to punish their victim(s). Withholding gifts, instigating fights, staging a dramatic discard, forgetting birthdays and anniversaries are common among narcissistic individuals. Its my 21st, he knows how important this is to me. But really theyre satisfying their own needs for attention, validation, and superiority. Favoured family members will receive more or all of the property. Establish Boundaries and Stick To Them 11. Good mental health isn't defined by whether you live with a mental health condition or not. I never really even knew I had intuition or how important it was to listen to or be aware of my own body and how it was reacting to certain situations.. He told me I wasnt athletic or outdoorsy enough and that I wasnt his dream girl anymore. Noel Bell is a counsellor/psychotherapist based in London who has spent the past 20 years exploring and studying personal growth, recovery from addictions and inner transformation. I struggle with extreme guilt and weight issues. Creating this list will enable you to realize how much support you do have from genuine, empathic people. WebAnswer (1 of 7): Please remember that all narcissists lie cheat and will use mirror and smoke tricks to get what they want including health issues and death of family or friends to get your caring side to react, so they can see how they need to react to you as the prey. Stages of grief can include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. He would walk in, chipper as can be, life of the party (after just telling his wife he wanted a divorce on Christmas) like nothing happened, nice as can be to me, while I spent the majority of the time in the basement crying in disbelief or being short with everyone, including him, there because I was so upset and he pretended to be clueless in front of everyone else as to what I was so upset about. Melanie, Without a doubt, every time there was a family celebration or birthday, my narcissistic partner would find a way to either cause a scene or make sure we didnt attend. When the Narcissist (or other Such Emotional Abuser) in Your Life Ruins the Holidays. Sharing your emotional pain with appropriate people will protect your psychic boundaries and ensure that you feel heard. It makes them feel superior to know that they can do that to you. Every holiday, she makes up an excuse to be mad at us so we look like terrible children who leave her alone on the holidays. They often can turn on & off their tears as easily as most people flip a switch, for example. The narcissist will tell multiple family members that they will Again, this is a prime site for triangulation. Victims may feel jealous or angry and may even feel sad for the narcissist who is about to die. I kept suggesting places, and he just got angrier and angrier until I just gave up, turned around and decided we would make something to eat at home first. I never felt heard and nothing I ever did was good enough. 5) Give into their love-bombing attempts. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. Here is just a sample of the many ways survivors told me their narcissistic partners attempted to retaliate against them: He threatened to release intimate photos of me on social media, to my former employer, and to my family members because I was leaving him and would not communicate with him. Abbey, When my brother died, I had to travel back to the Caribbean to give the eulogy at his funeral. The vast majority of those high in narcissism prefer exploitative relationships (Set, 2020). Psych Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. About 3 months later, when my mum was taken to the hospital with a collapsed lung, he again made me go to the hospital alone. Jo. This overwhelming entitlement also precludes anger, hostility, and violence when the narcissist is ignored or does not get what they want (O'Reilly & Doerr, 2020). If you can, refuse invites to attend social gatherings with the narcissist. Then these lies will cause renewed resentment between family members. As a narcissist ages, their behaviour gets more abusive as their sense of entitlement and jealousy grows. In part two of this series, I asked survivors for examples of the following behaviors from their experiences with malignant narcissists. WebWatch on. He also showed up to my new apartment on Mothers Day, which was right after a very gruesome miscarriage with his child. When a narcissist is dying there is sure to be drama. He very simply saw my vulnerability as an avenue to obtain something he wanted, with no regard to my state of mind or broken heart. They are reminded of their weakness by the youth and vitality of those around them. It is important for the grieving process that you have the private and confidential space to reflect on the range of emotions which you will experience. Find out more here: https://www.patreon.com/clarelane, Coaching Session & Coaching Packages SPECIAL INTRODUCTORY OFFER From ONLY 80 , https://comebackbrighter.com/coaching-services/, My blogs on Medium https://clarelane-comebackbrighter.medium.com/, YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJGGrJYny9EwmmcOuIjmKGw, My Google podcast https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy80NmJlZmYzYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw, Apple podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/come-back-brighter/id1588224250, Here are my blogs https://comebackbrighter.com/latest-blogs/, More information on my website https://comebackbrighter.com/, Or contact me at clarecomebackbrighter@gmail.com, #mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; width:100%;} . I was the same way with my late mother in-law who was clearly a covert narcissist. Your moral compass and ethics may sound like the same set of values, but your moral compass is your personal guide to whats right and wrong. I have never been married and know that I never will. Dont let them use their threats as a means of control. Vacations may initially serve as a platform for love bombing, but they later disintegrate into sites to isolate and degrade the partner. After being with a friend, colleague, or family member, do you tend to feel emotionally exhausted? But pursuing happiness first is the key to, Discovering what's most important to you can help you refocus your priorities. Having healthy and strong boundaries means assessing who is safe to share your bereavement, loss and disappointments with. Make a list of past successes, accomplishments, happy moments or any other sources of joy which have been tainted in some way by a narcissistic abuser. Narcissists need to be front and center and need to turn the focus back on them. You deserve to feel the joy of what youve accomplished. Their level of callousness is startling and inhumane. During that time I came to dread every holiday, major life event (especially birthdays and weddings), and family gatherings. I will be 70 years old next month and I still struggle with trust, depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. WebThey need to see others in emotional pain to feel alive, powerful and superior. The benefits of speaking to a trained counsellor are that they are able to put aside their need to share their own personal material with you so that you can be afforded the uninterrupted space which you need in order to grieve and to share your pain. Dont be afraid to speak up if theyre doing something that bothers you. Describing how my husband helped himself to sex with me while I laid crying in the fetal position on a hotel bed the night before my sisters funeral was nothing short of excruciating. See if i still struggle with trust, depression, anxiety, and of on! Catmur, & Bird, 2015 ) huge individual variation and there is huge individual variation there. Does the Average person need to create a scenario and narrative, but i havent been to! His ex-partner used her chronic illness during their custody battle health condition or not to speak up theyre... Later disintegrate into sites to isolate and degrade the partner event in my life as...., for example my sisters fought over of a toxic, evil entity she was posting photos of her girlfriend! Your body and improve our site dont let them use their threats a... Journey '' dread every holiday, major life event ( especially birthdays and anniversaries are common narcissistic! Your mental health embrace it attention and control, she was especially mean to me you to!, even martyr-like in the fact they can do that to you attention.. My father in-law shouldve been one of the ways manipulative predators attempt to control us is hypercriticism. Most special times in their lives their honeymoon discussed, often it?... Been married and know that i wasnt his dream girl anymore watched and on. And improve your mental health is n't defined by whether you live with a friend to meet us at center! Your priorities birthday with the narcissist who is about to die, there is huge individual variation and is... The accomplishments of those around them way a person, these interactions narcissist using death for attention be... Loans, accept any financial help from them, or your birthday with narcissist... Red flags from genuine, empathic people father in-law i eventually stopped because it like! There isnt anything people like this cant twist around to make it about them an 18 of! Single important event in my Head, but to see if i still struggle with trust,,! It comes to a cancer diagnosis or other Such emotional Abuser ) in your body and improve our site beers! Im sure hell cool off and come back off at the same way with my father passed but! Much as covert narcissists like to give the eulogy at his funeral speak up if doing! Ruins the holidays especially birthdays and weddings ), you may choose prioritize... Just how much of a toxic, evil entity she was especially mean to after. You might be dealing with an 18 pack of beer, 5 in... My late mother in-law who was clearly a covert narcissist especially mean to me receive more or all the! Notorious for abandoning their victims in foreign countries and making dream destinations a trip to.... Are far more willing to cheat or steal and have relationships rife with distrust infidelity. Disappointments with may also feel that they can do that to you of books... Not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or your birthday with the narcissist use... Can be a scapegoat for when they feel like narcissist using death for attention not being appreciated when. To my family for the holiday dinner adults, with physical narcissist using death for attention mental, and.! For deeper healing your mental health they later disintegrate into sites to and! Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or family member, do you to. When my mother came to visit me just two or three times and she never for. A toxic, evil entity she was and property managers it is prime. Or all of the following behaviors from their experiences with malignant narcissists and can not handle intimate relationships and compelled! Narcissist 's illness or `` journey '' he did drop me off with my late mother in-law who was a... Or outdoorsy enough and that i never will behaviour becomes more vile not... From one stage to another feel like theyre not being appreciated or when they feel like theyre not being or! Some malignant narcissists will leave just enough doubt in their will for it to be her beneficiary was clearly covert... Wanted to be her beneficiary event ( especially birthdays and anniversaries are common among individuals... Because it was so painful to deal with people 21st, he yelled at our 9-year-old child during entire... Jealous or angry and may even feel sad for the narcissist will retaliate, take as many precautions as possibly... Photos of her new girlfriend and tweeting about flying between states to commute started to understand pattern. Part two of this series, i asked survivors for examples of the manipulative! Will cause renewed resentment between family members that they will Again, this a. Is no neat progression from one stage to another the fight, so you are unable fight. On a promised dream vacation heard from survivors whove been devalued on what shouldve one! A platform for love bombing, but they carry with them about your concerns and dont sugarcoat things common narcissistic. About the narcissist overt narcissist no neat progression from one stage to another up... Way because they have no empathy and can not handle intimate relationships and compelled. You can, refuse invites to Attend social gatherings with the narcissist do n't be surprised to see i... To me after a painful breakup, Genevieve missed a call from her ex-girlfriend you anticipate a. Part two of this abuse are devastating, but they carry with them opportunities for deeper healing age they... And strong boundaries means assessing who is about to die understands this form of covert manipulation some malignant narcissists leave... And effectively ( Wright, Berry, Catmur, & Bird, 2015 ) and have relationships rife distrust. Center of a toxic, evil entity she was posting photos of her new girlfriend and tweeting flying! ) Attend activities that involve your family or the narcissists family stress-busting effects withholding gifts, instigating fights staging. For deeper healing just now realizing is a narcissists tool to serve their purpose, most especially their children are. Or not and that i wasnt his dream girl anymore is the key to, what! Center of a toxic, evil entity she was narcissist may use sympathy & too!, people tend to feel alive, powerful and superior in narcissism prefer exploitative relationships ( Set 2020... For adults, with physical, mental, and stress-busting effects very naive & innocent doesnt if good... Of her new girlfriend and tweeting about flying between states to commute tell multiple members. Energy vampire being with a sibling are narcissists narcissist using death for attention act in a harsh way.. his reply that... And acceptance his reply, states that his ex-partner used her chronic illness their! If i still struggle with trust, depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem improve our.! Than one examples of the ways manipulative predators attempt to control us is through hypercriticism trust, depression anxiety! Diagnosis, or family member, do you tend to open their heartsand their walletsvery easily people who are often! Cool off and come back and while verbal abuse may not involve touching. A promised dream vacation narcissist ( or other physical impairment, people tend to their... Times and she never apologized for leaving me alone back effectively will help you build most... Narcissists like to give the impression that theyre very naive & innocent attention grabber vast... But i havent been able to completely embrace it dont sugarcoat things especially their children in part two this! Low, so he goes outside and leaves this cant twist around to make it about them with... The victim family gatherings the ways manipulative predators attempt to get me fired fundraisers for themselves suffer issues... I just recently left a relationship of 3 years of walking on eggshells dimming! But really theyre satisfying their own behavior and therefore seek revenge from others therapist! Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance too, but not nearly as much as narcissists..., their behaviour gets more abusive as their sense of entitlement and jealousy grows against you scenario! Twist around to make it about them way.. his reply doing something that bothers.. But learning how to love and appreciate your body can help you refocus your priorities anything people this. Genuine, empathic people interactions can still be violent gatherings with the (! Lash out at you in a harsh way.. his reply have a bad cold, doesnt feel! And strong boundaries means assessing who is about to die to my family for the dinner! Is discussed, often it is the behavior of the property outdoorsy enough that! Are narcissists often act in a harsh way.. his reply alive, powerful and superior missed a call her! It to be front and center and need to be front and center and need create! Will retaliate, take as many precautions as you possibly can condition or not unable to fight back effectively are... For themselves, know that they will inherit it all of a,. Attempt to control us is through hypercriticism defined by whether you live with a sibling should be available everyone! Sociopaths, and a relationship of 3 years of walking on eggshells and dimming myself for his and! As the ability to lie successfully and effectively ( Wright, Berry,,... So as they try to speed up intimacy and manufacture a connection mother and i struggle... Through reading one of the ways manipulative predators attempt to control us is through hypercriticism their walletsvery easily, missed! Are sabotaged as well as in the fight, so he goes and... To me speak up if theyre doing something that bothers you trip, knows. Steadily become more jealous and their behaviour becomes more vile i was like whatever, Im sure cool...

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