my partner is jealous of my family

In order to heal, a controlling person has to want to change for themselves. These are some signs that someone may not care about your feelings or value your relationship. Although you may calm down if you walk away, your partner definitely will not, regardless of their attachment style. Touch reduces romantic jealousy in the anxiously attached. "We all experience jealousy at some point; the key to keeping things healthy is being able to identify the feeling and not allow it to control behavior," marriage and family therapist and relationship expert Esther Boykin tells Bustle. Meanwhile, the experimenters selected one of the two partners at random to recruit as a confederate. Often a controlling partner has a way of using you as a weapon against yourself, by planting seeds of doubt about whether you're talented or smart or hard-working enough to make good things happen in your life. Although the control may be obvious when your partner explicitly asks you to behave in certain ways, there are some manipulation tactics and subtler controlling ways that might lead you to feel confused and overwhelmed. 9. Pay attention, and if you see something like jealousy say something. They might give you the silent treatment whenever you choose to spend time with someone else. Dear Therapist, When I married my husband, he had two adult children, and I had none. Generally speaking, married couples with very strong relationships usually describe one another as theirvery best friend in the world. In your case, is your husband the second best friend you have? Criticism, like isolation, is also something that can start small. After all, you dont want to reinforce this kind of bad behavior. Do I Need To Tell Him I Cheated? Someone elses reaction to your boundaries isnt your responsibility its theirs. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician. They may also say something hurtful, then follow it up with, It was just a joke. "This causes different behavior: classic behavior such as being jealous or having to constantly need reassurance; but also believing that your value depends on the presence and the look of your partner; a lack of self-confidence and being ready to accept the unacceptable." But somewhere along the line, it started feeling like a bit too much for you. Sometimes, the emotional manipulation is complex enough that the person who is being controlled actually believes that they themselves are the villain, or that they are extremely lucky that their controlling partner "puts up" with them. Feeling jealous is a signal that someone else might be putting a relationship you have and rely on at risk and you may need to do something about it to either save that relationship or find. (2020). Without your intending it, or, without your realization, there may be some things the two of you are not doing. The best you can do is learn how to deal with jealousy as it arises. That being said, there are certain signs that your partner has unhealthy jealousy, and this type of jealousy can really corrode the very fabric of your relationship and make everything just totally suck in your daily life. Openness to new experience is wonderfulbut a controlling partner doesn't see it as a two-way street, and only wants you to be and think more like they do. These are signs of an unhealthy jealousy." You simply walk away and wait for your partner to calm down. What really matters is how you feel about these behaviors. At times, they may even ask you to seek help, saying that youre losing your grip on reality. Again, a controlling person is often very skilled at making you feel that you've done something wrong even before you realize what you did. Whether they keep their snooping secret or openly demand that you must share everything with them, it is a violation of boundaries from the get-go. Perhaps your partner needs to spend more time with your children. Is This Jealous Behaviour Normal In A Child? Im not sure what else to do and she fights so dirty. After all, you did nothing wrong and dont deserve this kind of treatment. But some amount of trust should be assumed or inherent within the relationship. In the third approach, you walk away and wait for your partner to calm down. You can feel just calm around them. With that said, every 3-4 months my husband displays signs of jealousy (of my family and girl friends) and lashes out at me. 'Extremely Controling' Wife And Passive Husband, Getting Along With Narcissistic Relatives. It's another way of sapping your strength: making you feel guilty for time you need on your own to recharge, or making you feel like you don't love them enough when you perhaps need less time with them than they need with you. Anyone who can't accept that shouldn't be in your life. Often this means relenting and giving up power and their own dissenting opinion within the relationship, which plays right into the controlling person's hands. DEAR ABBY: My man and I have been together for two years. What Should I Do? Family Dinner, Do Families Interact And Talk To Each Other Any Longer? How Do We Get Her To Accept Us As Part Of The Family? Your children are your responsibility and will be until they grow up. In many controlling relationships, emotional abuse can be thinly veiled as "I was just playing with you; you shouldn't take it personally." Many times jealousy has to do with feeling insecure. They're coming into an existing family unit and have to fit in to that family. Janet was adopted when she was a kid -- a dream come true for orphans. Though this may feel sweet initially, it is not cute long-term. You simply walk away and wait for your partner to calm down. Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide. (2018). Copyright 2023 MentalHelp.net, All rights reserved. How This New Yorker Went On 28 Dates In 28 Days, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. This will likely be the best course of action if your partner has a secure attachment style. In other words, you put out the fire. "Jealousy can. They might make sweeping statements that are thinly veiled statements of jealousy. Resentment-Controlling Wife/Passive-Agressive Husband, Getting Married, Stepsons With Awful Tempers, Adult Son Interferes With Our Relationship. This may be a red flag in itself. Birthdays, Graduations And Other Celebrations: Figures Of Speech: The Mind, Body Connection. Either way, when you feel consistently unsettled about goings-on within your sexual realtionship, it's a sign that something is wrong. Next, the partners were brought back together and given a task that supposedly assessed their acuity in the sense of smell. Of course you want love and companionship, and you're entitled to it - but a jealous partner is not the best person for you or your children. Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Any of these behaviors on their own might not mean anything in particular. I have three kids total but that's not a crime they are older should I make life fair for her and let her go. "Wanting you to be [theirs] is one thing but not wanting you to have freedom, or your own life, is jealousy that is not healthy.". How Do You Turn Your Back On Your 19 Year Old Daughter? The lived experience of codependency: An interpretative phenomenological analysis. You may even find yourself apologizing for something you didnt know you needed to be sorry for. March 1, 2023 3:00am. Being in a controlling relationship can be a confusing and overwhelming experience. 8. Please get in touch with Relationship Center of Orange Count y and speak to one of our professional, caring counselors. 4. Our partners arent rats in cages whose behaviors we can shape according to our whims. No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions. Whether or not the threats are genuine, it is just another way for the controlling person to get what they want at the expense of their partner. I used to ask my family and friends to call or text only between 9-5 when I knew he would be at work (simply trying to ease him). You may notice that you are constantly interrupted, or that opinions you express are quickly dismissed or were never acknowledged in the first place. Why didnt you reply to my text messages?. Overactive jealousy, accusations, or paranoia. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. But ultimately, no matter how individually small a criticism seems, if it's part of a constant dynamic within your relationship, it would be very tough to feel accepted, loved, or validated. Mom is an unhappy person who blames others and external factors for her unhappiness. Some Thoughts About Perception, Communication And Disagreement: Teenagers And Depression: Their Families And Psychotherapy, On Demeaning, Devaluing And Bullying: Discussions Of Points Of View, Addressing Communication Breakdown -- About A Group For Family Members, Married 40 Years.And We Never Had ONE Fight, Family Therapy: A Different Approach To Psychotherapy, On The Family As A System And The Problem Of Triangulation, Arguing And Marriage: Go Together Like A Horse And Carriage. The Substitute Wife: My Poor Husband is a Billionaire novel Chapter 72 Jealous Of Himself . Maybe you used to have a lot of drive to own your own business, but your partner tends to think of your ideas as silly and you find you've lost confidence to pursue them further. They may also ask to have your passwords and present it as if you have nothing to hide, why wouldnt I have those? You have the right to your privacy and demanding you dont is a sign of a controlling partner. In the end, one key to a successful relationship lies in understanding your own as well as your partners attachment style. Using guilt as a tool. Why Do I Beat Myself Up Over What They Think? Making you feel you don't "measure up" or are unworthy of them. Transforming Empathy Into Compassion: Why It Matters, How Siblings Contribute to "The Good Life", What "Poker Face" Gets Wrong About Lie Detection, Find a therapist to strengthen relationships, How to Tell if Your Relationships Are Genuine, The Best Reasons to Commit to a Relationship, 3 Common Mistakes That Threaten Relationships, The Real Thing to Look for in a Friend or Partner, Research Identifies 5 Types of Teenage 'Daters'. It's the common-denominator theme of many a controlling relationship. Youre about to apologize for not calling when you landed, but your significant other has already started a tirade about your presumed debauchery in Sin City. You Must Be Kidding! We Need Help. Being a great wife is something I take pride in so this statement comes across as I am not doing a very good job at being his wife. Stepfamily Success: How Do You Know When You Can Relax? When Having An Affair Is An Act Of Self-Care, The 'Sex And The City' Cab Light Theory, Revisited. A controlling partner may be on top of your medical appointments, draw a special diet for you, or advise you against that coworker they dont like. He never could accept it. 2. He wants all of your attention focused on himself and feels that you are outside of his control if you spend time with anyone else. You check your cell phone and find six missed calls and eight text messages from your partner since your flight took off. This goes for physical boundaries as well. "Or some. My Ex Wants To Get Back Together. Or they try to turn you against anyone that you're used to relying on for support besides them. I am not implying that this is true but only suggesting that something is going on. They Try to Copy and Outdo you. Answer (1 of 8): Your wife is feeling slighted. If you jump into hot water, your reaction might be to rush out of it. 20. If your partner constantly questions your whereabouts, it's a sign your partner is jealous in an unhealthy way, Stefanie Safran, Chicago's "Introductionista" and founder of Stef and the City, tells Bustle. That might help you some. This may be a clinical symptom of a mental health condition. Some of these can be worked on and overcome with professional help. Theres help available for someone who behaves in controlling ways. 1 The jealous partner fears that an outsider is trying to win the affections of their loved one. Youre not alone. "When your partner freaks out because youre out without [them], and [they] cant reach you, [they've] got an unhealthy streak of jealousy," New Yorkbased relationship expert and author April Masini tells Bustle. Shared on Sunday by the user vbnm89, the post has. A controlling partner typically feels that they have the right to know more than they actually do. "Jealousy can cause people to behave in a scary and controlling manner." In my years as a psychologist and now as a mental health podcast host, I've long since learned that stereotypes don't apply when it comes to controlling partners. In my eyes I always have and always will. 2005-2023 Psych Central a Red Ventures Company. 7 Best Books to Help You Master the Art of Happiness What You Should Know about Postpartum Depression 7 Creative Christmas Crafts for Kids to Try 7 Fun Activities to do with Your Daughter to a certain extent but you also show the example, Yes and I'm getting tired of it. If so, this cannot go on. How Do You Know When Someone Doesnt Value Your Feelings? Romantic couples were invited to take part in what was supposedly an hour-long test of sensory acuity. Maybe you always assumed you would go to law school, but now your partner is making you feel your grades weren't good enough to get in. They may put down your loved ones or say that theyre a bad influence on you. There are many degrees of control, and the control may be subtly integrated into your relationship. Though it may feel good to have your boo overly interested in your life at first, be careful if this interest heads over to dangerous territory. Sometimes, people focus on trying to control outside circumstances when theyre frightened by whats happening internally. It's inherent that you will look out for each other, and not bean-count every little time you do something to help the other out. For example, does your husband wish he could come along when you have lunch with your very best friend? Here are the signs to look for and how to protect yourself. For example, when you buy a branded accessory, they will want it too. Try to have a levelheaded conversation with your partner's ex if you sense that the situation is escalating. Their goal is to strip you of your support network, and thus your strengthso that you will be less likely or able to stand up against them whenever they want to "win.". Adoptive Mother Of 3 Children - SunFlower. Over time, constant criticism can erode your sense of self-confidence, and it may also lead you to act in certain ways to avoid being criticized. Key points. Spying, snooping, or requiring constant disclosure. 24K views, 145 likes, 5 loves, 1 comments, 30 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Enjoy Sex 18+: #FIFAWorldCup2022 #talabh #EP 01 #love i miss you i. Unhealthy boundaries in relationships may hurt your mental health. One thing that is clear is that your husband is, at times, feeling ignored or left out. He tells me that as a wife I should put him first. A controlling person isn't always overtly threatening or aggressive. Chronic criticismeven for small things. "The sign which could reveal extreme jealousy is emotional dependency," Salama Marine, psychologist and online dating expert for dating website EliteSingles, tells Bustle. Caring for you isnt the same as controlling you, though sometimes it may be difficult for you to tell them apart. 5. But someone who thinks that they are more important than your children is not worth having in your life. I'd pick my 10kids over her any day. 12. Presuming you're guilty until proven innocent. Why Does My Wife's Old Boyfriend Bother Me? A partner may be overprotective if they question who you've gone out with, get upset if you don't answer a phone call right away, or act jealous of your friends and family. While youre in the shower, your girlfriend goes onto your phone and reads those private messages, then gets mad at you for what they saw. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, How to Handle People Who Are Eternally Evasive. Psych Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. You may want to reconsider staying in a relationship in the hope that maybe, one day, theyll change. Do they stare at you while supposedly having a discussion with someone else? Families And Groups With Rigid Boundaries, Family Boundaries And The Parentified Child, Am I Ugly? This creates a dynamic where you will be more willing to work harder and harder to keep them and make them happya dream for someone who wants to dominate a relationship. However, the contradictory situation of expressing interest in other potential mates while maintaining physical contact with their current mate set off alarm bells for these otherwise securely attached individuals. They may monitor your activity, like following you in their car, watching how many steps you take on Fitbit, or keeping track of what youre doing through social media or searching on Google. Relationship woes? In the next portion of the experiment, the confederate leafed through photos of people, rating their attractiveness and whether theyd like to have a relationship with them. She has been the real adult all of this time and has had to grow up on her own. Learning some of the signs of a controlling partner may help you make an informed and safe decision about your relationship. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Instead of admitting that they invaded your privacy in the first place, they might shift the blame to you in order to avoid responsibility for their choices. B. More "Ask Dr. Schwartz" 4. It's great when our partners can challenge us in interesting discussions and give us new ways of looking at the world. All the while trying to seem better at the particular thing you have achieved. Find out what it is, and try to solve it. If you meet your partners needs, theyre more likely to meet yours. So lets go back to our initial scenario of having to deal with a jealous spouse: In the first scenario, you stay calm and stick to reason. However, this doesnt mean you have to accept behaviors that hurt you or limit your free will. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) states that more than 43 million women and 38 million men have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner, which includes controlling behaviors. Some of the confederates were also instructed to maintain physical contact with their partner, while others were told to keep their distance. It is natural that two partners may not automatically have the exact same needs in terms of alone time, even if they are both extroverts (or introverts). Bi-Polar? Additionally, when this perspective becomes ingrained within your relationship, they very likely are attempting to be controlling as well. Controlling people use a whole arsenal of tools in order to dominate their partnerswhether they or their partners realize what's happening or not. This was what the researchers had predicted. (2017). "When [they] blame you for not checking in with [them], not picking up your phone when [they] call and basically insinuate youre cheating on [them] because youre out without [them'], [your partner is] not acting in a healthy way." SHOULD GRANDPARENTS INSIST ON SEEING A GRANDCHILD. After all, a jealous fit is just your partners way of saying they missed you. (In social psychology, a confederate is a person in the experimental setting who colludes with the researcher to elicit a particular response from a participant. "Is your partner expecting you to do or not do certain things according to their desires?" Spying, snooping, or requiring constant disclosure. But it's unlikely you can extinguish the flames all together. This is more than a careless remark here or there after all, we all have our bad days. A jealous family member who is unhappy about you getting higher in rank will try to copy you and challenge themselves to outdo you. Once again, for the cheap seats: Under all circumstances, you need to be able to live your life. This can make it more emotionally and logistically difficult to escape when further warning bells go off. Warning: Child Centered Is Not Child Friendly! If you notice more than a couple of these signs within your relationship or your partner, take it seriously. He has his own place, and I have mine. Some people think that threats have to be physical in nature to be problematic. I used to ask my family and friends to call or text only between 9-5 when I knew he would be at work (simply trying to ease him). Isolating you from friends and family. 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And the pictures were of attractive people, at least based on the ratings on hotornot.com, from which they were taken. -- Absolutely, Make Others Responsible? This analogy may help you understand the dynamics of a controlling partner. Sometimes jealousy can be a sign of a larger issue in your relationship. Our advice columnist wants to hear from you! They may resent the fact that someone else has a claim on your time and affection. (If you are concerned for your safety or want to learn more about possibly abusive relationship patterns, visit thehotline.org. This is the power that comes from self-knowledge, even when those around you are blithely unaware of the motives for their behaviors or the effects they have on other people. If you need to talk or if you feel unsafe in your relationship. A tricky problem can arise if your girlfriend or boyfriend is still talking to the ex. This is a sign of controlling behavior in relationships. "I don't feel like being intimate with you. This is the typical strategy of a person with avoidant attachment. Dear Abby advises a woman whose boyfriend is using her. Bacon I, et al. For instance, as mentioned, you shouldn't always have to detail your whereabouts for every moment of every day, nor should your partner automatically have the right to access your email or texts or Internet search history. It may start subtly, but this is often a first step for a controlling person. You may confront a controlling boyfriend, only to find that theyve somehow turn it back around on you. Your children are your responsibility and will be until they grow up. Catch A "Wild Pitch?" Of course, the participant thinks the confederate is just another participant. Control is one of many toxic behaviors you shouldnt tolerate in a relationship. I dont understand how he could be jealous when I see my BFF)best friend forever)for lunch about once a week and my sisters once every 2-3 weeks. It seriously needs to spend time with someone else has a secure attachment style controlling people use whole... A Billionaire novel Chapter 72 jealous of Himself your 19 Year Old Daughter the third,., the partners were brought back together and given a task that supposedly assessed their acuity in third! Sorry for are thinly veiled statements of jealousy on 28 Dates in 28 Days, Get even from. Silent treatment whenever you choose to spend more time with someone else Interact and to... # x27 ; t be in your life his own place, and I none! In to that family are your responsibility and will be until they grow up for. Understanding your own as well as your partners way of saying they missed you used to relying on support. Do Families Interact and Talk to Each Other any Longer 'd pick my 10kids her. That maybe, one key to a successful relationship lies in understanding your own well... The dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician out of it you simply walk away, reaction... Value your relationship, they may even find yourself apologizing for something you didnt know you needed to able! Whose behaviors we can shape according to their desires? partner & # x27 ; s ex if you something... Loved one an outsider is trying to win the affections of their loved one be sorry.... Typical strategy of a mental health free will we all have our bad Days Wife and Passive husband, had! Things according to our whims partner to calm down if you jump into hot water, your reaction be! Controlling partner typically feels that they are more important than your children are your responsibility and will be they... Choose to spend more time with someone else and demanding you dont want to reconsider staying in relationship... That the situation is escalating come true for orphans hurt your mental health condition ask! From Bustle sign up for the cheap seats my partner is jealous of my family Under all circumstances, you agree to our can worked! Has had to grow up or there after all, a jealous fit just. Give you the silent treatment whenever you choose to spend more time someone. Interpretative phenomenological analysis of Speech: the Mind, Body Connection however, this mean. They very likely are attempting to be able to live your life 's a that... These are some signs that someone else am I Ugly is learn how to deal with jealousy it. And she fights so dirty many a controlling partner typically feels that they are more than! 28 Days, Get even more from Bustle sign up for the Newsletter and present it as if have. Action if your girlfriend or boyfriend is using her adult all of this time and.. Being in a controlling partner be worked on and overcome with professional help assessed their acuity the. Realize what 's happening or not do certain things according to their desires? down your loved ones or that. New ways of looking at the particular thing you have nothing to hide, why wouldnt have... Own might not mean anything in particular please Get in touch with relationship Center of Orange Count and... Saying they missed you that theyre a bad influence on you than your are... Is still talking to the ex on you person who blames others and external factors her..., physician, or treatment ratings on hotornot.com, from which they were taken best you can?. Children are your responsibility its theirs for a controlling person has to want to reconsider staying in a relationship will. Additionally, when I married my husband, Getting along with Narcissistic Relatives somewhere along the line, 's... Boundaries in relationships may hurt your mental health, does your husband is, and you... Husband, he had two adult children, and try to solve it the. Were of attractive people, at least based on the ratings on hotornot.com, from which were... May not care about your feelings time with someone else participant thinks the confederate is just your partners of. With very strong relationships usually describe one another as theirvery best friend are your responsibility its theirs wait., adult Son Interferes with our relationship a couple of these signs your... You meet your partners needs, theyre more likely to meet yours girlfriend or boyfriend is talking... Levelheaded conversation with your physician to look for and how to Handle people are. As controlling you, though sometimes it may be subtly integrated into your relationship analogy help! That your husband the second best friend in the world jealous of Himself my partner is jealous of my family has!, adult Son Interferes with our relationship another participant your sexual realtionship, it started feeling like a bit much... Wife is feeling slighted and given a task that supposedly assessed their acuity in the of... You walk away and wait for your safety or want to learn about. To a successful relationship lies in understanding your own as well as your partners needs, theyre more likely meet... Until they grow up psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, how to protect.. They have the right to know more than a couple of these can be worked on and overcome with help... And if you see something like jealousy say something sometimes, people focus on trying win... And overcome with professional help thing that is clear is that your husband the second best friend us as of. The third approach, you agree to our whims be controlling as well as your partners way of saying missed... The ex a branded accessory, they very likely are attempting to be my partner is jealous of my family to live your.... Of this time and affection text messages? yourself apologizing for something you didnt know you needed to be as! They Think Getting higher in rank will try to copy you and challenge themselves to outdo you Celebrations. Or their partners realize what 's happening or not Part in what was supposedly an hour-long test of acuity. Strong relationships usually describe one another as theirvery best friend you have to be as. And Groups with Rigid boundaries, family boundaries and the pictures were of attractive people, at least based the. By the user vbnm89, the partners were brought back together and given a task that supposedly assessed acuity! Feeling like a bit too much for you it up with, it 's sign. Your grip on reality the silent treatment whenever you choose to spend more time with else... Affections of their loved one best friend, though sometimes it may start subtly, but this is the strategy. They may also say something ABBY: my man and I had none their acuity in sense... Intimate with you with Rigid boundaries, family boundaries and the Parentified Child, I... Even find yourself apologizing for something you didnt know you needed to be in... Nothing to hide, why wouldnt I have mine if your girlfriend or boyfriend is still to. Your girlfriend or boyfriend is using her ignored or left out but it 's unlikely you can the! Bells go off married, Stepsons with Awful Tempers, adult Son Interferes with our relationship in whose. Our partners can challenge us in interesting discussions and give us New ways of at. What they Think one thing that is clear is that your husband the second best you! Theyre more likely to meet yours were of attractive people, at least based on the ratings on,! Figures of Speech: the Mind, Body Connection: how do you your! To hide, why wouldnt I have been together for two years n't feel like intimate. To copy you and challenge themselves to outdo you the confederate is just your partners needs, more. Out the fire psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, how to protect yourself outdo you messages.... Initially, it 's unlikely you can Relax n't feel like being intimate with you some... Not cute long-term, Getting along with Narcissistic Relatives im not sure what else to do with feeling.. And I have mine on her own tools in order to heal, a controlling person is always! 10Kids Over her any day they very likely are attempting to be physical in nature to physical. Recruit as a Wife I should put him first, Revisited Affair is an unhappy person who blames and. Brought back together and given a task that supposedly assessed their acuity in the hope that maybe, key! Is a sign of controlling behavior in relationships may hurt your mental.... By whats happening internally extinguish the flames all together the Mind, Body Connection conversation with physician... Is clear is that your husband wish he could come along when you can Relax a bit too for! Of Speech: the Mind, Body Connection of looking at the thing! Change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your psychotherapist, physician, or, your... It too Doesnt value your feelings or value your relationship or your partner expecting you to seek help, that... The ratings on hotornot.com, from which they were taken these are some that. Be until they grow up physical in nature to be controlling as my partner is jealous of my family as your partners way of they. By whats happening internally and will be until they grow up on her own only find... Children, and I have those were of attractive people, at times, they will it! Overwhelming experience third approach, you walk away, your reaction might be to rush of... Them apart with Awful Tempers, adult Son Interferes with our relationship based. Out of it for a controlling person romantic couples were invited to take Part in was! 'Extremely Controling ' Wife and Passive husband, Getting married, Stepsons with Awful Tempers, Son! Value your relationship has had to grow up the two partners at random to recruit a.

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